DISCLAIMER
In my research in the archives of a deceased American hero, I stumbled upon an essay that he authored on the origins of the Great Society. I cannot attest to the validity of the essay, but it is probably a fictional account. The author’s heirs have approved of this publication. The author shall remain anonymous. This continues from Part I.
THE BIRTH OF THE GREAT SOCIETY-Part II
The White House
The conversation between LBJ and Uncle Ernie continues . . .
Uncle Ernie: The Voting Rights Act was the first right move. It’s not only the right thing in terms of public relations, but it can bring us a huge voting block to our side despite the filibuster (the Democratic filibuster against the Voting Rights Act). The niggras* will forget that Dirksen’s boys (the Republicans) got this act through by maneuvering to end the filibuster. They probably don’t even know that more Republicans than Democrats voted for this thing. If the niggras enter the middle class and start living independent, productive lives, they’ll start voting for the Ev and Jerry crowd [Everett Dirksen of Illinois, Senate minority leader; Representative Gerald Ford of Michigan, House minority leader]. The only answer is to keep them dependent on us. Now, here’s my plan for getting the niggras to vote for us, and I mean for the foreseeable future. It works like this. During your next address to Congress, propose a “War on Poverty.” The Act must include the following provisions. It must feature a provision to direct funds to single girls and single women who have babies. What the federal government will do under my plan is to seek out every underclass girl, and woman who is willing, and pay her to have a baby. Don’t discriminate on the basis of race [both laugh], because a lot of whites will fall for this too. But let the niggras know, without saying it plain, that this is meant for them. Then let these girls know that if they have a baby, they’ll be rewarded-well, call it “supported” [LBJ guffaws]. Then if they have another baby or two, we’ll pay them even MORE! But wait, Lyndon. Let them know that if the dude who gets the girl pregnant gets lost, takes a powder, hits the road, we’ll pay her EVEN MORE!
LBJ: Pappy always said you were a shrewd hombre.
Uncle Ernie: But wait, Lyndon, we need a good name for this program. I suggest “The New Society,” or “The Great Society-Our War on Poverty.” Give a side section of it a sweet name like “Aid to Women with Dependent Children” or Aid to Mothers with Dependent Children.” Now, what hard-hearted Scrooge can possibly vote against that? [both laugh]. Yeah, give it a name that would endear you to George Orwell-you didn’t know this ole country boy knew how to read, did you Lyndon? [LBJ laughs for several seconds]
Uncle Ernie: Now look what this guarantees, Lyndon. You’ve got teenagers and women who couldn’t raise a house kitten having these kids. With no capable adults loving and training these kids, and certainly no male role models, they’ll be getting into violent behavior-or at least the boys will. They’ll be what my old sociology prof at A. and M. called “anti-social”-the moderns let ‘em off the hook by calling them “dysfunctional.” But anyway, the boys, not having any man around to discipline them and model them beyond what this hopeless mom can do, will be so [bleeped] up that college or skill-training will be out of the question. Crime will be rampant. But this is for the greater good. More social workers and psychologists will be needed, and of course more police-more of our constituency, since the government will be buttering their bread. We’ve got their votes-the social workers, the psychologists, the ever-growing underclass, the police. The police can be unreliable, but they are a union. We’re not here to protect the cops, we’re here to protect the union. The union bosses know that if they donate to our campaign, we’ll supply the beef for their barbecue. I mean, you can’t beat this with Lash LaRue’s rope.
LBJ: Or with a branding iron.
Uncle Ernie: But wait, Lyndon, there’s more. We’ve got to guarantee that the schools are dumbed down so that these folks won’t have a prayer of becoming GOP fodder. You let the niggras get into real learning, and some of them will start having an eye on college. From there to the middle class, and then it’s over for us. We’ve got to build an ever-growing education bureaucracy. Then every State-of-the-Union, or every budget time, we demand more money. Academic scores are plunging, so last year's budget just hasn’t done the job. More money is urgently needed. Every year direct the new money to the education bureaucrats. As for the low-end teachers in the city core, give them just enough to keep them there. I mean if you increase salaries for teachers, you’re at risk of getting more capable people interested. Most of the dough goes to expanding the bureaucracy and pacifying the teachers’ unions. In return for their votes we provide them with protection against competition. No school-choice and no privatization allowed. Guarantee job protection for teachers regardless of student performance. Now you’ve got them locked in. Remember, Lyndon, this all pertains to these babies we’re subsidizing. As for these girl-babies: If the mother’s mother raises them, too many of them may be okay in the head enough for college if the elementary and high schools are too good. So, make sure the public schools get into teaching them the proper sociological attitudes. Hire teachers who either don’t know language, history, science and math, or don’t care. We want students who are confused when asked “which came first, the War Between the States or World War One?”--that’s what we want [both laugh]. We want them teaching the correct political attitudes.
LBJ: No [bleep!]; I couldn’t have said it better, Unc.
Uncle Ernie: Now what have you got? Total dependence on us. It’s a winner, Lyndon. We’ll have them for generations. Of course, you’re always going to have excellent teachers, teachers so dedicated they’ll stay with it regardless. But you’ve got to keep them in the suburbs. Eventually, the teaching of our political ideology will trickle into the suburbs. Even there it will prevail over language, history, science, and math. Then we’ll have a chance at that sector. But that’s later. For now, this and the next generation, the inner city is where the votes are. As academic scores decline the Republicans will raise hell about government schools and demand choice for parents. You can counter that with no sweat, Lyndon: just shout racism and demand more funding. That will lock in the teacher’s unions for good. Now we’ve got more teachers, less learning, more bureaucrats more social workers, more votes for us. This is the way to capture the ignorant, dependent masses for generations, plus the teachers’ unions and the education bureaucrats, plus the social workers and psychologists to tend the mess. And speaking of tending the mess, we may not have the cops, but like I say, we’ll have their union leaders.
Uncle Ernie continues: Lyndon, you know what Goldwater and Dirksen are thinking. For, say, a girl that has a baby out of wedlock, they want to provide homes for them. I mean like institutions funded by municipalities or the states-institutions where these child-moms can take their babies. In return for board and room and instruction on baby care, the girls are taught the basics of life. They want to teach these girls right-wing ideology: education, discipline, self-reliance, deferred gratification, responsible citizenship, responsible parenting, generous private giving to charities, minimalist government--you know, the Constitution and all that [bleep]. Oh, and of course birth control! This is the world-view, the life view they’re still getting hit with in the better schools and homes. That must be pre-empted, Lyndon, and I challenge you to tell me a better plan than Ole Uncle Ern’s.
LBJ: I know, Unc. Our spies over at bean soup hall [Johnson is referring to the famous bean soup at the Congressional cafeteria] have overheard the right-wing talking about enterprise zones where the nigg. . .the niggras . . . can build businesses tax-free in the city core. The Republicans will be offering them, and poor whites too, the opportunity to send their kids to schools of choice, even to private schools.
Uncle Ernie: Wouldn’t you like to see old Gore’s face when Al Jr. and his Landon buddies have to sit next to a niggra from south-east. [LBJ does a loud “Ha”] (southeast: D.C.’s ghetto section in those day). Anyway, enterprise zones, school-choice-a total disaster Lyndon. Of course, they can’t do that until they have a majority, and that’s the point here-you know that. You’ve got to nail down a Democratic majority for at least two generations to get this brilliant program ingrained. As I said, the cops are not very reliable voters, but as more of them will be needed, it surely can’t hurt us. The bottom line is this, Lyndon. Always keep the niggras in a position where they can be portrayed as victims needing the care of them compassionate Democrats. Keep ‘em down and keep ‘em dependent; keep ‘em low and on the dole. After any and every Republican points out something about this scheme, repeat, Lyndon, repeat after me: compassion, compassion, compassion!-that’s all it takes to shut them down. Shout “compassion” and “racism;” shout that the Republicans want to take food out of the mouths of babes and give it to. .to. .Joe Kennedy.
LBJ: [slaps his knee and laughs for ten seconds] Or whatever other horse manure you can shovel up, and there’s nothing they can do.
LBJ: [guffawing then smiling] Uncle Ern, would you like to move in? Lincoln’s room is open.
Uncle Ernie: Surely you jest.
LBJ: I’m ready to use the “g” word on you, Unc.
Uncle Ernie: What’s that, Lyndon.
LBJ: Genius!
Uncle Ernie: Well, I don’t know about that, Lyndon. Your daddy was a pistol, but I’m the son of a gun.
LBJ: Ern, you’re a blast.
*PUBLISHER’S COMMENT
This requires some explanation for those who may be offended by the use of this term. The author of the essay offered the following: [pronounced NIGG’ruz, singular NIGG’ruh, for you provincial Yankees. Educated Southern racists in the older South were hesitant to say “nigger.” They preferred the more refined term “niggra” as in . . . the niggras are gittin’ mighty up. . .]
Creatively brilliant, Martin -- you definitely channeled LBJ. . .and bring some insight into our country's woes today.